I’m lonely. What kind of loneliness? Every kind. I feel disconnected. Abandoned. As always. Repetition. So what, my love? So what? At first, I just wanted to run away. Now I have no where else to run to, nothing to run from. I don’t belong anywhere, I don’t want to go anywhere, I just want to be happy.
“Do you ever wonder whether people would like you more or less if they could see inside you? I always wondered about that. If people could see me the way I see myself, if they could live in my memories, would anyone, anyone, love me?” - John Green
That’s how you know you love someone, I guess, when you can’t experience anything without wishing the other person were there to see it, too.
Kaui Hart Hemmings, The Descendants
I’m tired beyond belief. I’m stressed I don’t know what’s to come next. I’m pretty sure this won’t last forever, but I’m forgetting that it is, and it feels like it will go on forever. I got to be perfect. I gotta do things right, I gotta keep fighting. I’m so tired, but I gotta ignore that. Gotta get through this, gotta do this right. Gotta make her proud, Keep working hard, keep my head up, I feel like I’m drowning, but I just gotta hold my breath for a little bit, it will be over soon. I keep telling myself that, so it’s got to be real right? My emotions are all clashing together. I got to pray for strength, I got to do this. I’m almost done, just take a breath, almost done. 8 weeks, 5 days, 17 hours, 27 minutes, 3 seconds. You can do this. Breathe and then get ready to dive again. Breathe.